Are my financial problems about to be solved forever?

Today I got a call from a 90-year-old patron who routinely calls to talk to me (at length). He began the conversation with "My lawyer said that I had to talk to you first before making changes to my will."

Today's requests

How to print out emails from Russian sweethearts.--"I've got a bunch of them."

Sound effects of people vomiting--"The louder the better."

Does PDA count as a reason?

Overheard from teen girl cuddling with her boyfriend in the library: "My mom's like always at the library. She's like a freakin' librarian. I have no reason to be here."