Are my financial problems about to be solved forever?

Today I got a call from a 90-year-old patron who routinely calls to talk to me (at length). He began the conversation with "My lawyer said that I had to talk to you first before making changes to my will."

Today's requests

How to print out emails from Russian sweethearts.--"I've got a bunch of them."

Sound effects of people vomiting--"The louder the better."

Does PDA count as a reason?

Overheard from teen girl cuddling with her boyfriend in the library: "My mom's like always at the library. She's like a freakin' librarian. I have no reason to be here."

Library censorship?

While weeding this morn I came across this gem of a book, notable not only for the '70s babe on the cover but also for its demonstration of censorship via library label:

Let this serve as a warning

Unreturned library book leads to woman's arrest
http://www.salon.com/wires/ap/2009/01/23/D95T18HO0_odd_library_book_theft/index.html

Jan 23rd, 2009 INDEPENDENCE, Iowa -- An Iowa woman has been arrested because failed to return a library book.
Thirty-nine-year-old Shelly Koontz was arrested Thursday night on a fifth-degree theft charge. She is accused of keeping "The Freedom Writers Diary," which she checked out from the public library in nearby Jesup in April.
Police say the book -- which is about a high school teacher's effort to inspire students to write -- is valued at $13.95.
Court records show library employees tried repeatedly to contact Koontz by phone and mail. A police officer even visited her home last September.
Officials at the Buchanan County jail say Koontz was released after posting $250 bond. No telephone listing for Koontz could be found in the Independence area.
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Information from: The Gazette, http://www.gazetteonline.com/

Rrrrrr! DVD taste good!

The catalog record for our copy of Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein notes "Case has bite marks"

Is this a compliment?

A patron just commented to me: "You look like a gym teacher!"