Are my financial problems about to be solved forever?

Today I got a call from a 90-year-old patron who routinely calls to talk to me (at length). He began the conversation with "My lawyer said that I had to talk to you first before making changes to my will."

Today's requests

How to print out emails from Russian sweethearts.--"I've got a bunch of them."

Sound effects of people vomiting--"The louder the better."

Does PDA count as a reason?

Overheard from teen girl cuddling with her boyfriend in the library: "My mom's like always at the library. She's like a freakin' librarian. I have no reason to be here."

Library censorship?

While weeding this morn I came across this gem of a book, notable not only for the '70s babe on the cover but also for its demonstration of censorship via library label:

Let this serve as a warning

Unreturned library book leads to woman's arrest
http://www.salon.com/wires/ap/2009/01/23/D95T18HO0_odd_library_book_theft/index.html

Jan 23rd, 2009 INDEPENDENCE, Iowa -- An Iowa woman has been arrested because failed to return a library book.
Thirty-nine-year-old Shelly Koontz was arrested Thursday night on a fifth-degree theft charge. She is accused of keeping "The Freedom Writers Diary," which she checked out from the public library in nearby Jesup in April.
Police say the book -- which is about a high school teacher's effort to inspire students to write -- is valued at $13.95.
Court records show library employees tried repeatedly to contact Koontz by phone and mail. A police officer even visited her home last September.
Officials at the Buchanan County jail say Koontz was released after posting $250 bond. No telephone listing for Koontz could be found in the Independence area.
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Information from: The Gazette, http://www.gazetteonline.com/

Rrrrrr! DVD taste good!

The catalog record for our copy of Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein notes "Case has bite marks"

Is this a compliment?

A patron just commented to me: "You look like a gym teacher!"

Quote of the day

Just kicked out the second intoxicated patron of the afternoon. As he stumbled away across the parking lot, he could be heard yelling, "Can't even drink in my own fuckin' library!"